Start saying goodbye.

So Nathen and I will be moving back to Ma by the end of the week.  I want to take him to the beach one last time before we go. Since he hasn't been there since he was born. I want to say goodbye to my friends that I have made here. But it seems like there is not enough time. I have so much to do around the house, but I dont want to do it because the more I clean the less this house feels like its mine. Its starting to feel like it belongs to the next family. Nathen's room is all packed up, painted, and ready for the movers. Its just a blank room with a crib and some furinture, not the jungle and sports nursery I spent my entire pregnancy working on to make it perfect.

I will be blogging this journey as much as I can. Because frankly I want to remember this time. I want to remember the struggles we are facing entering in the civilian world. Even though my parent will be moving in with us to help out, it's still going to be hard on everyone. This is all Nathen has known. And yes he wont remember but every child has comfort zones. When we are out all day and Nathen isn't very happy, he knows when we get to the front door that he is home and he calms right down. He just knows.

This entire time living in NC we have done things on our own (mostly). Now we have to rely on family to help make it through until we get back on solid ground. Do I wish things were different? Of course. I wish we had a few more years in the Marine Corps. I wish we never had to struggle. I wish we never had to worry about when we were getting paid so we could have food in the house. But if I keep dwelling on what we don't have, I can never be grateful for what I do have.

So today my goal is to pack up my room, and spend this last week with my husband. He will be here until May. Finishing up work, and paperwork, getting the house inspected, and waiting for the movers to pack up our things. Each day until I move I will tackle a room at a time, So I dont forget anything. Which reminds me...BRING THE DIAPER SPRAYER!! haha I know I probably will forget but I will be my life saver.

On the topic of diapers, I have been handwashing diapers for about 2 weeks now. I really dont mind doing it. Even now that I have flats(grandma's diapers). Right now my covers are outside on the rack drying in the sun. and by the end of the day I just use the sink to wash all the dirties. Not a mess at all. I keep everything sanitized too. Its sad though because all of his cute diapers are packed away. They just take too long to dry. Ill be happy when we get all settled and I wont have to hand wash them anymore. But I gotta admit, I kind of enjoy the time spend doing the work.


I know my mind is all over the place this time. But what I'm most excited about when we get to our new house is time to learn how to sew. I've been wanted to for awhile now and my mom has my sewing machine. heck even a jo-ann's is not too far away! I want to go back to work at dunkin donuts. I really enjoyed working there. The customers, the co-workers, the actual work. It was fun for me. So I'm hoping they let me come back. We shall see.


Well I'm going to go watch some tv until Brandon comes home so I can run the the library and print out some coupons for free formula. TATA

well this is just crappy.

Today  my doctor diagnosed me with PCOS.. everytime I type this I have no idea what to say next. No this is not a death sentence, But for me this is like death row. I wan another baby, and I know with PCOS i will be filled with plenty of disappointments before we could ever have another baby. this does explain why I have no sex drive, so tired, trouble loosing weight. etc. So I guess this is the beginning of a very hard road. I will start taking all my medications and continue working out more, and im going to start working on a diet.

in other news Nathen and i will be moving back home in a little over a week. Im not ready at all. I'm not packed, the house isnt ready for the movers or inspectors in May. So this week i will be going through the house and getting things ready and clearing out stuff we dont use and get those things ready for a yard sale this weekend. so this will be a busy week.

Im not sure im ready to be without brandon for over a month, but i need to get things ready for life outside of the military. as much as i dont want to, as much as i want him to stay in, and as much as i want to be the one who cant make decisions i have to because brandon wont. he has never done anything responsible in this family. I wish he would just be the man of the house. and im not sure why he cant. ok now im babbling off.


well before i get myself into trouble i need to end this session for now

a little blah,blah,blah

So I woke up today at noon! YUP I said it. Where was Nathen during all this?! I'n his crib just waking up as well.  I have no clue how he slept so long but the day is already almost gone and we are just getting started. Today we made the decision to have Nathen and I move back home a month early to start getting the new house ready, get myself a job, and have our life outside of the Marine Corps ready for us. It's going to be really tough because I have no clue what I am doing. For once I cant predict our future. It's scary to think of everyday. This is a huge life change, and I'm hoping everything works out, but apart of me wants us to fail at this because I see a better future for us in the military and that is Brandons back-up plan. I know its not very supporting to think this way but I not a liar and this is my blog. So who cares.

Nathen will be 9 months next week. Man how the time has flown. He is still not where I would like him to be developmentally but everyday we are working on it. We have decided to TCC after we find out the test results from my ultrasound. So in the meantime, I'm working out everyday to reduce my symptoms, going to start taking all my medications and prenatals again, and work harder at getting myself back to how I was. I want this to work.

I have to go run some errands for a fellow wive who isn't in town today. I have been so busy that I have put it aside and I really gotta do this for her before it's too late. Other than that today will be spend making future plans, working out, playing with Nathen and nagging at my husband who wants to sleep all day. YEAH I know funny how I get to sleep when I want but I dont let Brandon do the same. But in all honesty I want to spend time with him, and I want him to spend time with Nathen while we have time too. I'm sure I have other things on my mind but right now I am drawing a blank....


So I guess I will end it at that. TATA